Half Ironman

I finally did it!  I trained for four months.  Missed only about 4 or 5 workouts over that entire time period.  I was very dedicated.  Mostly because I was scared to death that I would not succeed.  But I not only succeeded, I excelled!  I went about an hour faster than I thought I could.

A half Ironman is a 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, and 13.1 mile run. I started training back in January with a plan that was very strict and I spent about 8-12 hours per week training.  Some weeks I felt really great and some weeks I exhausted and grouchy.  I spent hours on the bike on the weekends and hours running on Mondays.  Some days I would wear my compression tights to work.  Some days I was so exhausted from a workout, I could barely make it up the steps to the office.  But I faithfully kept at it, afraid that if I missed workouts, I would not finish my race.

I experimented with nutrition...did water or Accelerade work better on the bike.  How often did I need to take gels on the run? A couple of times I forgot my nutrition and my run was terrible.  One bike ride was in the cold rain (unexpectedly) and I discovered that after the arms are frozen, they don't notice the pelting rain.  s the race got closer, I started doing bricks- a bike followed immediately by a run.  I could not get my nutrition and hydration right and the long ones were usually on big exercise weeks and they never went well.  So that had me really worried.

The good thing was that I was doing it with a friend.  We commiserated on facebook about long workouts and whatnot.  Then we met up in Orlando for the race.  It was great having someone to share it with....she had never done one either, so we were in it together.  She had done more triathlons than I had, and she had also worked the championship in Kona, Hawaii, so she was more familiar with the the whole big race scene.

Finally, the day came.  I packed the night before- checking and rechecking my gear.  I had been worried for 3 days about the weather because they were predicting thunderstorms, but the night before, they were supposed to be gone.  They weren't.  It was storming when we got up, and while waiting for the bus that never came.  We ended up walking through the woods in the rain and then a huge strike hit nearby and my friend almost leapt into my arms.  Turns out it started a small fire that smoldered all day and then actually caught fire later and the fire trucks had to be called.  We went to the transition area and set up our stuff.  Then
hung out for awhile before the swim start.

I did not go hard on the swim because I didn't know how tired I would be the rest of the day.  I forgot to put on my sunscreen before the bike and felt my shoulders getting a bit sensitive later in the day.  The bike was pretty easy and fun until mile 40 or so, and then I just had to hang on another hour.  The run was three loops. On loop one, I was joined by a young 21 year old guy who seemed to want to run with me.  Turns out he was on his second lap and had walked most of the first lap because he drank too much and got nauseated.  We ran together for about 8 miles and then on his mile 11, he had to stop and walk and I left him.  When I checked later, I had beat him on the swim and the run, but he beat me on the bike enough to beat me overall.

 I thought the whole thing would take me about 8 hours, if I was even able to finish not in complete misery.  My stretch goal was 7.5 hours.  My actual time.......7:03!  If I had known I was that close to going under 7 hours I would have.  But I took the swim easy.  The bike was hard, but it was doable.  And then the run was not nearly as miserable as I thought it would be.  I was a little under midway in my age group (67%).  Only 15% of the women who beat me were older than me!  I thought that was pretty cool.

Anyway, it was great!  I loved most of the whole day and I can't wait to do another one.  I'm already planning for the next one at the end of October in Austin, TX.  I have not worked out in 4 days and my muscles are stiff and sore.  I'll get back to it tomorrow and I'll feel much better.  My next triathlon is 25 June- I inspired some friends to do their first.  We'll be doing some training together and I'll help them out.  I gave them all training plans about 6 weeks ago and some have been doing better jobs than others at training.

I'm hooked!!!

Ask Vs Tell

We had an incident today at work that was very unusual, could have been serious and doesn't really have a textbook answer, although some answers are way more right than others. When the folks came to tell me about it, I listened and then asked then what their plan was.  It was a good plan, I told them I agreed, and then added a couple of instructions and asked them to let me know when it was resolved.

That's just the way I usually do things.  I like to ask questions, let my people think things through, and then either add my own thoughts to complete it or (if I am fresh out of my own ideas!) brain storm together to make sure we have a complete and solid plan.  Could be because that's how I learned medicine and how we teach medicine- let people come up with their own ideas and they remember it next time.

Versus the way another leader I know does it. He just tells people what to do.  And now I think that many of his followers have become dependent on waiting for him to give instructions.  And he is so picky and thorough that whatever product he gets is never good enough.  So there's hardly any point in spending forever on something because it won't be good enough anyway.

Anyway, I wish I had a witty ending to this one, but I don't.  I just like my way better and I think people appreciate it.

My Favorite Season

I love Spring!!!!
It's my favorite season because it signals newness and beginnings.  I think summer is great because it's warm, fall is pretty, but I know things are coming to an end, and winter is just yuck unless there is snow.  But Spring is new.  Everything is so green and pretty.  The flowers are blooming, trees are popping, grass is returning.  The smells are amazing.
I love sunrise because it's the start of a new day and I love Spring because it's the start of the new year.

Pretty!

I never liked that other design, but I wasn't sure what to do about it.  Took about an hour, but now I feel like the blog design actually reflects my personality!

Drifters vs Sifters

Wow!  Has it really been 6 weeks since I posted? This one has been brewing for a couple of weeks.

I was in Florida visiting the parents after the Disney Princess Half Marathon and I went to the beach with my mom.  We did a quick walk about 3 miles down the beach and I found a few few teeth accidentally- I can't help it!  Once you get the tooth eye, you can't miss them!  And you can't stop looking.  Even when I was trying to enjoy the Gulf, I still kept checking out the ground to make sure there were no teeth waiting to be picked up.  Right where we walked onto the beach from the parking lot there, were tons of people.  But about 10 minutes down the beach, there were few people.  Hmmmm.......

On the way back, we stopped a lot to look down for teeth. I kept my eyes more focused on the ground most of the time as well.  Every now and then there was a promising pile of stuff and I'd stop and bend down and look seriously and find 1 to 3 teeth.  We spent about an hour walking down and about 2 hrs walking back.  That's 6-7 miles of exercise!  

Then I started watching the other people on the beach.  There were a few walkers and a few fisherman.  There were lots of people who had these poles with baskets attached and they were out in the water scooping up stuff and sifting through it.  Not sure how many teeth they find that way, but it looks really boring!

So I got to thinking- some tooth hunters are sifters and some tooth hunters are drifters.  I wonder if the way they look for teeth translates into the way they live their lives?  There is no possible way I could stand in one spot for hours sifting through stuff to find teeth.  But apparently I can walk for hours and do the same thing.  I like the adventure and the thrill of finding out what is around the next corner.  I like getting away from the crowds near the stairs and finding the less traveled beach.  I can't tell you how many times I have run or biked too far because I wanted to see what was around the next corner!  I'm  a drifter.

Then there are the sifters.  They spend their lives in one spot, not daring to challenge themselves and try something new.  Content to stay in one spot, they get to know that area very well.  They never think to leave. They are comfortable.  They don't get bored.  In fact, the thought of walking 7 miles for 38 teeth probably really turns them off.  I wonder if they find more in the one spot?  Or if they care?  Or if they get tired of the scenery?  I wonder if they want to leave and go somewhere else but are nervous about the change.  They are the solid rocks of a community.  They have been there their whole lives and are the experts on their corner of the world.  We really need them.  But I can't be one of them.

I'm a drifter.

Figured it Out

With a lot of soul searching and talking to people who know me this week, I have figured out a bit of what was wrong.   I still feel yucky and still feel like my job is sort of meaningless.  But at least I think I have figured out why.

First- I mentioned in my last post that I have been working on my boss's projects and not mine.  I have not had the time to do the things that I have wanted at work, such as the Family Health Initiative which is the Air Force's Medical Home project. I've also been wanting to do some stuff with peer review.  At the Military Health Conference last week week I was able to learn a lot about FHI and have plans to go home and implement.  So now I have a project and plan to start seeing clinic again.  I think that will help tremendously.

The other thing that I realized is that I get a bit depressed every winter.  I discovered this with the help of a friend a few years ago and discovered the St Johns Wort does the trick.  I usually remember some time in December when I get to feeling exactly like I have been feeling this week- useless at work, hopeless about the future, and feeling like I'm not doing a very good job at home either, not to mention complete laziness at home.  This year, maybe I was just too busy to notice how bad I felt and plus I was getting a few hours of sunlight on Saturdays when I ride my bike.  So, now here it is late January, and I'm finally figuring it out.  One year I did really well when I put it on my calendar to start taking my meds in November.

So now I have a plan and feel much better.  Start my project and start my meds.  Yay!    

Meaningless

This started as a letter to a friend, and I'm reposting it here.  I suppose it's times when I write stuff like this that I'm glad this is a relatively anonymous blog.  Regular people can find it if they search, but only my friends and family know who I am.

  I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday.  Not sure what triggered it.  I was sitting in a meeting room at this conference.  I can't even remember what the heck they were talking about.  But I started to realize that for the first time ever, I hate my job.  I feel like I go to work every day and do nothing meaningful.  I feel like all I do is push paper from one side of my desk to the other.  I don't feel like the things I do in medicine right now are really necessary, although I suppose some of it must be done.  But it doesn't have to be done by me. Any average doc could do it.   I have always felt like what I was doing was unique. That yes, there are people out there doing the same thing (seeing pts, commanding, advising, etc), but that no one was doing it quite like me and that I was truly making my mark and having an impact on people's lives.  I've always strived to be unique, in a good way- not a weird way.  That I was somehow special and that God put me here to do unique work. Every assignment i spend my days looking for my purpose.  Why was I personally sent there instead of someone else.  What is it that I uniquely have to offer.  I just don't have the feeling with my current work that what I do is unique or special.  Anyone could sign the papers and do the clearances, and edit the policies that someone else is writing.  The stuff that I care about is not getting done because I am spending so much time pushing paper and making my boss's priorities my own.  I know I am helping him feel better about his own work and I know he is happy to have me here, but that's not enough.   I feel like I'm not helping my docs reach their potential, I haven't had time to see pts, and although people say my presence matters, that just doesn't seem to be enough.  I'm not PRODUCING.

I've met with the clinic chief and will start going to clinic next week.  It doesn't matter if I don't have time.  Time needs to be made.

I'm really worried about the rest of my military career.  If this is what's in store for me for the next 3 or 6 or 9 years, I want no part of it.  Now I know why people get burned out and leave executive medicine in the Air Force.  This stinks.